Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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