This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize