I puked a lego.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
