Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Ketchup is God's man juice
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
