Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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