The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
