i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hippo gnu deer
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
