Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
