Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize