New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
