cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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