Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
