bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
