VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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