The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The beer is more important than you right now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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