party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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