we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
