Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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