Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
