Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
