I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
