hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
It was confusing and full of hummus
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
