My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
