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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize