Whod you bang
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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