I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
