i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
