You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
