shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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