I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
