I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
