quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
