so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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