So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
