after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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