Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
