He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
