I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
