Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
