you guys were way drunker than both of me
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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