i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Let's paint friendship bongs
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
