Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
