I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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