I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
