If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
