White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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