Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got inside last night via doggy door
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
