My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
