Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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