i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
