Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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