your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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