she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
