What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
