if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
