Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
