i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
