What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
