My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm too high and old for this...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
