what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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