my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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