well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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