He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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