My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
