I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
