I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
