I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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