I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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