i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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