I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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