if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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