ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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